All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
