i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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