i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
