This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
