I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
