Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
