Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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