My room smells like vodka and shame
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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