The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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