It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
