apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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