I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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