My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
