my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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