I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
