woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
