Where did you get a picture of my penis
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
