You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my poor anus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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