oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
