I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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