I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
