i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
