I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
