I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
