I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
