Grow some girl-balls and come out already
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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