Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
