You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
