smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
