He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
