I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
