What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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