Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize