when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize