That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
