A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
