they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
