So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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