is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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