we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
