last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
