alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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