Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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