if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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