Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
