i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
