i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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