mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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