you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
