Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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