I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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