Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
