Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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