i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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