I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
