I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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