I think I am morally bankrupt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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