he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
