My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
