Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize