Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
