Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
