Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
