Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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