iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
