WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
