let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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