I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
