neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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