just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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