This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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