She just used a chaser for red wine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
