Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
