I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
