Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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