Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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