this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
