i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
