so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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