I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
