Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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