Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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